White Trash Art: Science

*this article and more are from my freshly updated Illinois oddities page

In 1982 retired Army Ranger and prison guard Russell Burrows claimed to have, while hunting along the Little Wabash River, stumbled upon a cave that held priceless artifacts from ancient man, including large amounts of gold and burial chambers akin to the Egyptian Pharaohs. Any artifacts that were shown to the scientific community were initially dismissed as "obvious fakes", and the text on the inscribed tablets were said by experts to be a gibberish combination of various dead languages. Burrows' story itself is fishy on many levels. He claims after being humiliated and badgered by critics he grew weary of the hubbub and simply dynamited the entrance to the cave in 1989.

Ten years later Ancient American Magazine founder Wayne May says that he convinced Burrows to show him his cave, and claims that Burrows in fact led him to a cave entrance that had been dynamited. In attempts to circumvent the damage and go inside, May said the cave had since flooded and filled with debris to the point of uselessness while afoot. Soooooo, May raised money and collected various experts to open the cave. This took 3 1/2 years, and when he returned to do so, he was told by Burrows: 1. that this was not the original cave, that the REAL cave was 40 miles away (take that, dirty scientist!!) 2. Burrows didn't even own the land on which this (equally nifty American Indian artifact filled) cave is 3. This new cave was to be referred to as "Tombs of the Embarras" (insert laugh track here), not "Burrows' Cave" 4. that Burrows' Cave (not the Tomb of the Embarrassed, er Embarras) is in the process of being excavated by a super-smart, super-secret team of archaeologists who wish to remain anonymous. Mmmm - K.

Amazingly, May found evidence to support the original descriptions/maps of Burrows' Cave with ground penetrating radar. Read about it here. There is little to be found online on what the findings were on subsequent expeditions by May. Whatever was found since was apparently not Earth-shattering.

Theories surrounding possible explanations of a real burial chamber as described by Burrows are mind-bending and too numerous to list without devoting weeks of research. That's what google is for, my friend. Go for it. Lets just say there are folks who are really, REEAALLY into this story (either backing up Burrow or lustfully discrediting him), including the Mormons.

Burrows' cave is still causing controversy: in 2009 a History Channel program entitled The Holy Grail In America featured the story and artifacts. Burrows has been described as having a penchant for wearing military uniforms of various eras as his everyday clothing. He sounds like a total fucking hoot, regardless of what the archaeology scholars think. I want to have him come into my bar so I can pour him a drink and listen to his bullshit for hours.

You can buy his autographed book for $23 here: Russ Burrows, 117 Chestnut Street, Windsor, Colorado 80550.