White Trash Art

American Heroes and Madmen, #2: Joseph B. "Frenchy" Duret

Frenchy Duret was a trapper, obviously of French origin (as many were, it seems - I really couldn't tell you why but if you've ever read much about homesteading pioneers in North America you know that any trappers mentioned are perennially French...) who plied his trade in Montana. Frenchy set up his homestead on what would eventually become Yellowstone National Park. Frenchy wasn't about to give up his wanton lust for the flesh and hides of bears just because of some imaginary line that that sum-bitch Teddy Roosevelt had set up to preserve a few trees. Damn tree-hugger. Undeterred by federal law, the 60 year old grizzled frontiersman poached his bear meat at his own discretion: U.S government be damned! One fateful day in 1922, Frenchy was no doubt shocked to find that a bear snared in one of his traps was capable of, well... going all BEAR on his ass. Frenchy became dinner for this particular bear. (Technically, half of Frenchy did- so the reports said.) I wonder if the bear ordered a side of French Fries? Perhaps used a bit of French dressing on the gamey bits? But I digress... Karma is, indeed, a bitch. I plan on dying by a firing squad composed of pigs, chickens and many, many pissed off cows m'self.

Joseph Duret was considered enough of a local legend that the government named a meadow after him at the site of his old homestead in Yellowstone, near Slough Creek in the "Beartooth Wilderness" (insert 'haha' here). "Frenchy Meadow" is a nice little spot to go fishing for Rainbow Trout. Perhaps that's why there are bears there too? Hmmm.

Ever Had One Of Those Moments...

when you realize that age and time has given you such a different point of view on something that you question your former self? Today I watched part of Top Gun on cable after having not seen it in probably 10 years. I remember in high school I liked this movie. It wasn't in my top three or anything, but I remember liking it. Anyway, 34 year old Peg can't believe how incredibly cheesy and hokie Top Gun is. Trey Parker and Matt Stone must've used this as an outline to make Team America: World Police. However funny Team America was, they could never re-create the thinly veiled man-love and fakie deep growly voices of every single character in Top Gun (Tom Skerrit being my favorite) nearly as hilariously as in Top Gun.

Anyway, I forgot my point. Oh yeah:

Amerrrrricaahhh..... FUCK YEAH! Comin' in to save the motherfuckin' day yeah....

American Heroes and Madmen, #1

            acrylic on paper, 3x5"

First in a series, "American Heroes and Madmen", Sgt. Boston Corbett was credited with hunting down and plugging Abraham Lincoln assassin John Wilkes Booth with his trusty .38.

Corbett was almost delusional in his preoccupation with Christianity. He would shout out "Praise Jesus!" and the like in somewhat inappropriate situations. Often when speaking, he would inexplicably tack an extra "er" suffix to the ends of words, thus making his outbursts of Christian rapture sound even more odd during less than extraordinary everyday conversations.

Celebrated as a hero after his brush with destiny in the Garrett's barn (after he was, oddly enough, arrested and held briefly as an accomplice in Lincoln's shooting), Corbett moved to Kansas where he was given a job as an "assistant" doorman at the state court house. He blew that gig by pointing his .38 at the state legislature after he was insulted by what he felt was a blasphemous remark. He was taken out in cuffs and eventually sent to an insane asylum in Topeka.

After escaping the asylum on horseback, Corbett continued down his path of eccentricity, growing his hair out very long to emulate Jesus, and living in a hole he dug for himself in Concordia, KS. Not a "shelter", or "underground lair", mind you... a HOLE.

While residing in his, erm, hole away from home, he TOOK A PAIR OF SCISSORS AND CASTRATED HIMSELF in order to cure his desire for prostitutes.

And that, my friends, is why Boston Corbett was a hero and a madman.